After May

I haven’t been to my old church,TC, regularly for about a month now and to tell the truth, I don’t miss it all that much even though I do think about it every now and then but I am missing it less and less and there is less of a struggle or yearning to go back there.

I think it helps that I don’t have any audio or usher duty for the month of May. I had one Bible study duty and I confronted the deacon board chairman when I saw him and we had a discussion where I realized he was just being used by Joe and others, he was put in the position like a puppet. A few months ago I already felt that his attitude changed and became very arrogant. I realized that he isn’t really worth my time and it’s a petty that I can’t get through to him. Work had been done on him already.

He was quite disrespectful and I think it’s just so awful that so many people changed for the worst after becoming deacon.

I led Bible study near the end of Acts. I have to thank God that it went well because I was somewhat upset and emotionally compromised a bit even though nobody really knew except for Pastor Vin who came out for a bit and checked what the deacon chairman and I were doing outside.

Pastor Vin later Whatsapped me and invited me to meet with all three pastors at church. The deacon board earlier wanted me to meet with one of the deacons I trust and the newest pastor but now it’s seeing three pastors.

I rather meet with deacon and the new pastor. The pastors are in a tough spot because they are like employees of the deacon board (which they shouldn’t be but that’s just the sad truth at TC), and they need to be obedient or their contracts wouldn’t be renewed.

Anyway, I actually feel better not going there for roughly a month now. I still feel weird going to the new church on Sunday and not seeing familiar people and not knowing too many people, and it seems like everybody got someone.

I really enjoy small group at the new church but I am still trying to build up some serious spiritual relationship but I think we are going at the right direction.

It is still a bit tough because at my old church, everybody knows me. I know everybody. I said hi to everybody. Now, I am like the stranger. I am the outsider when I was an old-timer at my old church. That’s just one of the biggest adjustment. From being like an insider of a church to being an outsider.

I do feel better though overall. I am less angry, less emotional even though I still think about my old church several times a day but the anger is easing. The strange thing is that I care less about my friends and the people at old church after a month. I care less. It’s very strange. I am letting go really. And I was emotionally and spiritually tired and tensed.

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