Almost there again.

I almost went back to my old fellowship the past Saturday.

Didn’t go to my old church’s fellowship the past three weeks or so and I had two sisters, both friends, asking me what’s going on.

One of them used to be really good friend and we used to hangout quite a lot but for the past 2 years or so, we both know problems in the fellowship and we just haven’t hung out much. It actually hurt me quite badly that all of a sudden it seemed like she was trying to avoid me. We used to have tea and late dinner before and after fellowship respectively.

We hardly do that anymore. She also said some nasty things about me, called me some names. I don’t blame her because there are people who say things behind my back and try to smear my reputation.

Another sister is from my small group and for the past few years we tried really hard to make the small group better with no results. We were just snubbed again and again. She is a simple kind of girl.

I was audio duty and I stayed for Saturday service and I lingered a bit for worship for fellowship but it was the same pro MS person leading and while singing the hymns I just found it really phony. It was depressing as well, hardly anybody was there. Even my few guy buddies left already.

And in the past week, three people in my small group told us that they are going to different churches and leaving the small group. They haven’t showed up for ages and they were just making it official. I am happy for them but it was sad and depressing because I was close with the one brother who left and we had a really good time for a while before everything went downhill.

We still keep in touch every once in a while, but as I was just looking at the amount of people at the fellowship, how empty it was, I was just upset and angry at the people who did this. The fellowship is now an empty shell and on life support.

They bullied me, tried to single me out and they were quiet effective and people saw this and left. The fellowship was divided.

It was depressing and I just didn’t feel well. They were reading a book and I didn’t read it so I was like, why bother. And I left.

I had a sister whatsapping me in the group, “I thought you would come.” (so many sisters, yes, I am the only guy in my small group).

And I just blurted it out why in the whatsap group.

The sister later messaged me privately which she should’ve had done earlier.

I feel that going back is really bad for me, and it is really easier to lie to just tell them you were sick (which I was, emotionally) or busy or have an appointment or something than to tell them what you feel really. And most people take this route, just tell people these things, they were busy and etc. But I felt I wouldn’t be helping if I do that. I should express the matters, the problems.

I also don’t think the sister was being sincere. She could’ve messaged me privately instead of making a scene. I don’t know why but one time we were in small group and she was making faces at me like a teenage girl when the pastor was explaining something. I asked her what that was about but she never explained.

Another time she said softly in my ear,”Let it go.”

I understood why though, J probably told her like he did with many people that I was against him because he was involved with forcing my father out of church. Actually, more accurately, he was the mastermind behind it and he was really mean, and even then he didn’t stop there, he said these kind of things to people to protect himself and to isolate me from others and he uses his “senior member” status to influence others.

I don’t blame her totally for behaving like that but it became clear that whoever make a clean line away from me get to serve and she was. After getting baptised she was in charge for the roster for who leading worship, she led worship and was put into several committees. J put her in babysitting and she obediently obey.

She’s smart with people and she knows how to manoeuvre for herself. I saw her changed a lot. I thought she was a friend but then she changed when people started talking to her.

And worst ins that she is now my friend’s wife.



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