After all the ordeal in my old church and the experience, I am afraid of power freak. I am afraid of ego-centric people. I am afraid of powerful people, afraid of people who think they own a community, a church, an organisation and etc. I am afraid of egoist, narcissist, people who are too full of themselves. I am just very sensitive to these behaviour by people.
And part of me don’t want to be in the limelight. I don’t want to gain too much attention, but even a year ago, my small group leader was seeing if I could be the small group leader at my new church, but then I told him that I am not quite suitable and I think I might get people talking or found it strange when I don’t even attend the church service regularly. I have been going to small group regularly so it makes people feel like I am a regular.
The reverend at the church was my university camp counselor going way back so he knows who I am and trust me, but part of me just want to fit in, enjoy fellowship, get to use my gifts and talents and make friends.
It’s start anew and I don’t want any fight. I don’t want to get into conflict. I guess I am wounded, a wounded soul but people can’t see it. I hide it.