It’s been a tragic week with the passing of the great American actor, Robin Williams. I grew up watching Robin Willams like many people of my generation. The lost of this phenomenal human being a great shockwave of sadness across the world. It’s hard to imagine someone as funny, kind and generous like him could end up hanging himself. Yes, it did seem that he was from another planet and we knew he had problem but never imagined it would end up like this.
Williams is someone who offered and gave the world a lot. He made people laugh but he was struggling with depression. I do think that people like him take a great toll on their emotional health, life in general.
We know he is a sympathetic, generous and kind man. People have nothing bad to say about him. He failed in his previous marriages, was addicted to cocaine and alcohol, he fought both of them, won the first and was still battling the second. Aside from his memorable movies and TV shows, he did a lot for others discreetly. He made Christopher Reeve laugh after the accident, he visited the troops, he bought a bike for Conan O’Brien when he left Today’s Show, he used his star power to help others with their projects. He had sympathy for the homeless and made a film about them. Maybe the diagnose of Parkinson Disease and seemingly slow down in his career was too much for him. Why was he depressed? In his performance, he was often seem as he was possessed.
In turn, I think pastors, those with hearts for God are the same. They give. They give so much, sometimes as if possessed and it does take a great toll on their lives and families.
I feel like I am like Robin Williams at times too. During the short-term mission I went with TC Church with some brothers and sisters and I really had a great time. I had a great fellowship with bros and sis at my “old” church but at the same time I am hiding a lot of sadness and even depression. To them I am this sunny, shinny, funny, hilarious, optimistic guy but deep down there is a sadness. There is a thought in my head that I am leaving, but I really don’t want to, but if I don’t leave, it might hurt a lot more and more permanent and I might end up in a place I can’t get out of. And it’s really out of my hands because there are leaders, powerful people in church who have made a mission out of hurting me.
Pastors, pastor’s kids, we often hide the pain, the rough ends, the shits, the crap, the evil from others. But we don’t get treatment, most of us can’t afford professional treatment and are afraid what others might think of us if we do but we do get hurt really bad.
I really do think there should be confidential counseling program for clergy and family. We really need it. Maybe that is something I will do.
I have decided to leave my “old” TC church as I start this new academic year. It’s coming up really soon and I find it really hard.
Thank you so much Robin Williams.