In the past weekend, I can see that there is nothing I can do. I realise that I am wasting time here and the longer time I stay here, I am just getting hurt. I feel like I am wasting time here and it is just not good for me. I think I have done as much as possible to tell people what the problem is and it’s up to them to change for the better. I can’t do it for them.
And as a pastor’s kid, I have learned something, sometimes it is better to leave on top, like Michael Jordan after his winning shot against the Utah Jazz, because it just get bad from there.
Well, maybe not on top, but when you are still in good term. It is kind of like someone who has been working in a company for a long time and enjoy a good reputation yet he would consider leaving when he sees something bad happening, maybe with a new boss or management which he can foresee that has a different strategy or way of working, so he would leave before the he gets into the storm.
There is a good reason for that. I am not leaving on best term, not the worst, but not very good.
I had advice from how many people how? At first three people, my old small group leader, my old pastor and his wife had told me to get out of there, but it is just so hard.
My old small group leader actually told me go to another church and cut off. My old pastor said it is best to leave before trouble, which is too late for me. He said that he could still keep a lot of the friendship by leaving before things got too bad. People still seek him out every now and then.
The church I am joining small group at is asking me to be a small group leader and I told the current small group leader that it might not be appropriate because I am still going to another church and not attending the Sunday service regularly here. He told me it is better to go to one church and wanted me to come here. I told the head pastor as well my situation and he is actually my leadership camp counsellor many years ago when I was in college. He said that as a brother he think it would be better for me to just go there and someone like me don’t really need to adjust.
In reality, I enjoyed going to the other church. It’s starting over really but I can grow in a better way there.
Am I growing at my old church, yea, I am but in a very unnatural and unhealthy way since I am being targeted by some of the leaders in the fellowship. I don’t see how it will change anytime soon. It had put a strain on many relationships here at church and especially at the fellowship.
I have decided that I should leave but I just don’t know when. I am giving myself maybe 3 months. I hope I start anew in the new school year.
In hindsight, I would give the advice that many had given me, it is good to serious considering leaving a church when some leaders target you. It’s just not pretty. It’s probably better to leave when you see the beginning of the tide coming so you could somewhat leave in a a good term when things haven’t gone too ugly. However, it’s hard to know. I was pretty shocked at how things turned out even though I had previous experience and kind of predicted what was going to come.
There is no easy say. There is no easy way. It’s tough both ways, to stay or go. And you really just don’t know. We can use the cliche that “God will lead” but it’s hard when you are right there. However, I do believe that God can uses other people to tell you and He did. It’s not easy, it’s sad, heart-breaking and depressing, but sometimes it might be the best way.