Guilt

I think recently my posts have been very raw. They are almost like rant. I guess what is happening is that I am experience things, incidents, events that are affecting me on many different levels. I may not understand all of them and one of the functions of this blog is that it helps me to digest, comprehend and understand all that is happening around me.

I realize that when somebody or a group of people have done something wrong and shame of, there would be several reactions:

1. Stay silence and quiet

2. Deny

3. Make up lies how it is not what it seems

4. Attack

And I have experienced all of the above.

Let me give some examples.

1. Some people, and I would say those people who have some conscience or faced with something they just cannot deny (so they have some decency) would stay quiet and silent when you tell them about the wrongful doings. It happens with people who know it is wrong, feel a bit bad about it and they probably don’t want to give anymore information.

2. Some people are in denial an they are tricky to deal with. They just say no, I didn’t do it. I find that these people have hardened heart as described in the Bible. They have somehow overcame their conscience to have any remorse. But the guilt is in there, and I find that you can get reactions from triggering that guilt or fear of being found out. I think that these people are the ones where you have to confront them with several people and lay down all the evidence and have them face the wrongdoing upfront. These are usually people with strong character and ego.

3. Lying. This is kind of like 2, making lies. However, some of these do admit to the wrongdoing but they would make excuse while saying sorry. For example, he might even put the blame on you saying that something you do made him do wrong. She might make more lies to cover it all up. It really doesn’t work because usually after confronting these people and they would just lie and lie, and eventually it would come to a point where the lies contradicts what they are saying, it just doesn’t make sense. But I still get astonished at the lies people can tell. They can be so outrageous that you find it hard to believe that they would say such a lie, and even more unbelievable is that some people would believe them. For example, “I never lied.”

4. Attack. Some people would go the attack mode. There are several ways they would attack, the more honest ones would attack you outright and worst ones attack you behind your back. Fearing that you would expose them with their guilt, they would destroy your credibility by spreading rumours, gang up with their friends against you, start a character assassination campaign, isolate you, not telling you about meetings, take you off service positions and etc. It’s vicious. And it really leaves very little response for the target, it either leave or confront back which would mean a lot of ugliness because they would do everything to destroy you. They will pick you apart from the smallest things and blow things out of proportions with half-truth or complete lies. And there are people, very small number of people who are very good at manipulating others, masterminding character assassination campaign. 

Sadly, at my church, I have experienced all of them, and at times several of them together. For example, you may confront a person and he would do 2 and 3, and then attack you behind your back at the same time. He could also do 1 and 4. There are many different combination.

The average church goers don’t know about how to handle these things and really, nobody want to handle these issues. Most Christians are simply not trained to deal with these vicious acts. And I really don’t blame them because even experienced elders, pastors and Christian leaders have a lot of difficulties dealing with these things. And I think even by following the Bible, the result or the outcome would not be what people desired.

The church is not a perfect place. Trouble and conflict will happen. The important issues is how we, Christians, view them and deal with them.

I believe that Christians must have strong theology, strong practice of Scripture and be taught what is acceptable and what is wrong and must be confronted. As the world gets crazier, these training becomes essential to a healthy church.

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