I realise the happy people are the simple people. They don’t expect too much, they are not too picky. They have safe friends. They fall in love, they keep it private. They have good friends around them.
They are simple. I think people were looking at the wrong things, chasing after the wrong stuff. Maybe sometimes we care too much about what the world think. Sometimes people just missed looking into the other person’s character. We can distracted by the shinny stuff, the riches, the body, the nice car, the glamour, the fancy clothes and restaurants, and forget about what’s most important.
I envy those young people who found love and married early, and didn’t have to date around so much and didn’t have to go through so much heartaches and baggages. Really. Most of the time, those people are really pure and of good character. Just good people, good natured people. I know a few couples recently who fit the type and I just can’t be happier for them.
I think happiness is being with friends, doing what you like with people you love and who love you.
Choosing good friends is important. Friends who is going to think of your best interest, who will stick by you and even rebuke you in love.
Maybe it is time to move on. I just went to my friends’ wedding. Fantastic and beautiful human beings. The couple is kind, gentle, loving, pure and I hope they keep it that way.
While going to the bathroom I bumped into a sister who I haven’t talked to for a month or so. She wanted to talk. She wanted to see why I haven’t been to fellowship the past 2 weeks or so. She was wondering if it’s because of those people. We basically talked about the fellowship and church topic we always talked about when we talk about these things. It’s getting a bit old but I like it that at least we were talking. And then her mentor came along and she was intimidating me a bit, she was pushing me a bit, making some assumption. She was a ex-deacon who ousted my dad so I know her background. I was a bit nervous but I basically just told her what I had told some other leaders about the problem at fellowship and I was being really up front about it. I threw it back at her and asked her she would do about it? She told me she would think and pray about it. I was like what? It’s been years now. She talked to me about conflict resolution and I knew it better than her, she thought I don’t know nothing because I wasn’t there at the talk by Rev Chung but I got the Powerpoint and I researched the topic a bit with all this happening at church so I actually corrected her on that. I hammered it to her that the leadership’s behaviour is sinful, against the Bible, against God, against biblical principals and the whole nine yard and what the Bible and Rev Chung said we should deal with it.
It came to a point where she exhausted herself when someone said hi to her.
I am afraid of one thing though, that they might stop asking Rev Chung to come give talk after finding out that I have contact with Rev Chung.
Earlier that day I went to the Evangelical Seminary for basically a full day event for people who are thinking about serving full-time. It was a very good day. I had a great time. At first it was a bit awkward because we didn’t know anybody and I felt like I should talk to people and be friendly. During the morning tea, I started small talk with this middle-aged guy who tried to be friendly but he really wasn’t a talker. I wonder if he could be a pastor, probably not, maybe at Christian organisation.
I was set up to talk with the headmaster, Rev. Kwok, who is someone I admire and is one of my favourite preachers along with Don Carson and a few others. He’s in my top five. I was hoping that he would be the one I get to talk to and we did, I was very candid and he knows my dad. We had 20 minutes. He told me to introduce myself. I didn’t know how to, was it an interview. He said I look sad. I told him I am nervous and thinking. He told me that it’s good to see that although I know all the problems at church, I am still eager to learn and has the heart to serve. He told me that many PKs left church and are very difficult to deal with because of all these things. I told him I know, I have friends who did. He said that it should be better for me to serve more at church and if I can’t at my current church, changing church is not a bad idea. But he also told me that it would take a while to start serving at a new church. Well, I am very different. But at the same time, he really shown me some real practical problems with going to a church where I get hit by the leadership so much. I was being very up front and honest with him. I find him to be a good man. We didn’t have enough time, one of the students knocked on the door and told us it was time for lunch. He said he was sorry, asked how he should address me and which group I was in, group two, and said he would like to talk to me more later.
Our group ate together and we warmed up with one another with one of the teacher leading the discussion. Lam and I were the more talkative ones. We had a nice group and as we did the campus tour we warmed up with one another and started sharing. I started by asking all of us to introduce ourselves while we were waiting. It was fun, things opened up. I really enjoyed learning about how others’ were “called.” Lam was very enthusiastic. There was a glow around him. He was getting marry this year and going to seminary next academic year. And he told me that he waited too long to respond to the call and wished he did maybe a few years earlier.
Before I left I exchanged phone number with Lam and Ah Fai. I had to run to the wedding of the people I mentioned above.
I left and Rev Kwok was just outside the hall, I told him I have a wedding to go to and said goodbye. I wonder if I could talk to him again. I thought about asking him how I can contact him, but I didn’t.
So I am back to my situation at church.
I know it doesn’t help you focus when you have these things happening to you. I spend a lot of time just thinking “what if…”. IT seems that you can’t do much when someone or worst, a group of people has decided to attack you.
It’s not because I done anything wrong but it’s because of their guilt, their insecurity. They associate me with someone that consider to be disruptive to their plan, their way of doing things.
For a long time I didn’t do much, but I just wondered why people were changing their attitude towards me. But there seems to be nothing I can do. I feel like the more I do, the more hurtful I get. Of course I think it’s part of my responsibility to confront them, but I have already done that to a few. I have said my concerns to several deacons and leaders.
I know that staying here is bad for me in the long term. It’s a hurtful experience, but humm. I don’t know. I think things will eventually turn well, but I might not be able to enjoy it.
Today, Sunday I went to the Sunday School teacher retreat. The seminary intern said that it’s good that our church have people of different age gap. I thought to myself, well, it wasn’t like this, we tackled it and my dad led people, started and planned the whole youth ministry so that this is so much better today. I lot of people think it’s Beethoven who’s getting most of the credit. He deserve some but he was never the leader to start something. Sigh~
Looking at old photos, I would ask myself, “What the fuck happened?” Sorry for the language but I don’t know any more appropriate word. “What the fuck happened?” Why did we just blew up?