How do you confront people about gossiping and talking behind your back?

I was told by a friend that I am being targeted. Well, I know this, but this is one of the rare time someone actually told me directly with sympathy. He told me it’s sad that nobody understand me. He told me that Ga Le, one of the contact person from another small group drove him and HP to have dessert one night all the way at Sui Kung, the backyard of Hong Kong. During that time, Ga Le was saying how I am too emotional and that Jo and Jay can’t hold me down, and that I should listen and respect Jo and Jay because they are older and have more life experience.

I don’t think Ga Le knows what he’s talking about he’s not even in my small group so he’s getting second hand information that’s not accurate yet Ge Le had been pretty sinister at me for the past 2-3 years and he’s one of the people who follow Ming Sin and Shir. Ga Le is someone I believe would twist the facts to talk behind my back.

What’s happening is that they are painting a image of me as an emotional, irrational, quick-tempered person to discredit  me. They are destroying my image.

I looked up website about this this is actually  character assassination, it is quite serious and describe my situation quite well:

Character Assassination refers to the slandering or vicious personal verbal attack on a person with the intention of destroying or damaging that person’s reputation or confidence. In other words it is malicious verbal assaults designed to damage or tarnish the reputation of a person. Once done, these acts are often difficult to reverse or rectify. Therefore it is likened to a literal assassination of a human life. The damage sustained can last a lifetime or, for historical figures and important personalities, for many centuries after their death.

It involves a deliberate attempt to destroy a person’s reputation, especially by criticizing them in an unfair and dishonest way when they are not present. It can also involve exaggeration or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person, double speak, spreading of rumors, innuendo or deliberate misinformation on topics relating to the subject’s morals, integrity, and reputation. It is a form of defamation.

This is from wikipedia:

“In practice, character assassination may involve doublespeak, spreading of rumoursinnuendo or deliberate misinformation on topics relating to the subject’s morals, integrity, and reputation. It may involve spinning information that is technically true, but that is presented in a misleading manner or is presented without the necessary context. For example, it might be said that a person refused to pay any income tax during a specific year, without saying that no tax was actually owed due to the person having no income that year, or that a person was sacked from a firm, even though he may have been made redundant through no fault of his own, rather than being terminated for cause.”

I am not surprised that Ga Le would say such a thing but this is probably the best account I got. I got proof that there is gossiping, defamation and talking behind my back. This is very serious offense.

I had been wondering at this. I know that people were saying things behind my back, but again, this is clear evidence. Many people would hint at me about what was being said about me, what they think of me (the effects of gossips), they never say things directly or tell me who told them that. They are not transparent because they don’t want to be responsible or any confrontation. I would find people behaving differently around me and with this revelation, it really hits home.

I think they have really crossed the line. They were saying these things behind my back to my friends. No wonder some of them have became cold and distanced themselves from me.

A long time ago, one of the deacons who I am a friend of and who I trust told me that some people said I am very controlling. I asked her later who said that and she actually said she did not mention that. At other times I would ask her who said that and she would tell me that’s not important, but man, how can I clear things up?

But I don’t know why, getting the real account got me really fired up, angry and upset. Ga Le had been on time for a few years now, actually ever since I came back from Australia for strange reasons. I can only guess why.

I am not sure about how to deal with this. I thought about confronting him, messaging him telling him to stop while CCing to a deacon, a third party. Or I tell him privately, but going to him privately might allow him to make stuff up. I think the best way is to let him know that I know what he’s doing and I am upset and he should stop and apologise. I would tell an deacon or the overseeing pastor about this and let them follow up.

What should I do? I can imagine that if I talk to a deacon or even a pastor about this (I have done this before), they would probably acknowledge it but do nothing. They would maybe say they would look into it and just sit on it. I have talked about being verbally attacked by people at church to deacon and pastor, and they told me that they would handle it after they have dealt with Ming Sin…which, haven’t finished and the pastor who told me this had already left.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s