It’s the end of the Chinese New Year holiday in Hong Kong. I really want to let go and just make peace with what’s been going on at my church life before new year, after new year, before Chinese New Year, after Chinese New Year but I feel that sometimes, things are just out of my hands.
After my “sharing” at the church’s “home meeting” I had several people telling me they want to meet with me to talk. I got Joe, who mentioned it that day and then he whatsapped me after I met with Sonny. Small Wei, the deacon who lied to me before said she also wanted to meet with me, she then also got her husband, the fellowship leader on a whatsapp group to find time to meet with me as well. I also got the deacon board chair telling me that whenever I would like to meet and talk, he’s always available. I think the key was that I said that there are people who lied, and it hit a nerve with these people, especially Joe and Small Wei.
I asked Joe, Small Wei and Heman what they wanted to talk about and they both said they wanted to care for me after I mentioning how I felt at the “home meeting” and felt sorry for me and would like to talk to me about it. Both parties said there might be some misunderstanding and knew that there might be some things they did which might have upset me. I inquired further about what they think those things might be but they wouldn’t go on.
They wanted to have an honest talk with me. I found it a bit hard to believe them. They were lying to me weeks earlier and now they want honest talk. I didn’t quite feel like it and I basically made a decision that they would have to prove to me that they are really genuine before I would go talk with them because they basically refused to go into details on what they wanted to talk specifically about or what they think they did that upset me. I asked them severals times but they refused.
I don’t think I can have a honest talk with them before we accomplished trust, we don’t have much of that now. What I believe is that I exposed a bit too much during the “home meeting” and they need to control it by meeting up with me. I think it’s a bit unsafe to meet with them by myself as well because they could say anything to others afterward. That was what they did with some pastors who left. They are good at twisting the truth and telling half lies by bending the truth and real statements.
If I was to go meet up with them, I would have to bring along a trusty friend, a respectable person as witness. It’s just all very complicated.
Part of me want to talk to them, tell them all, confront them and let it all go afterward whether they hear it or not, change or no change.
My closest friends told me that it will be stupid to meet with them alone, they would trap me, find something to pick on. There is a possibility in that.
Really, I do not want to deal with all that, I just wish they would just stop with controlling scheme they are doing. It’s making my church life hellish and complicated.
However, I am lucky to have some good friends at church, not many but I do have a few. I am also thankful I got great parents and pastor friends who are very supportive and understanding.
I do wish things are simpler.