Part of this blog is to document my spiritual journey as I go through different experience as a pastor’s kid.
My parents have left the church that they had been ministering for almost 10 years about two years ago. I still go to that church mainly because most of my friends are there and it’s a community although I knew that leaving would not be a bad idea. Things changed a lot in the past 3 years at that church. I still go to that church for fellowship and service, and I know it is going to be tough. So I started exploring in going to other churches, maybe find another permanent church I can go to. This is probably the most painful part of being a pastor and the pastor’s family. When something bad happen and the pastor has to part with the church, it’s not just a job or a work place the pastor is leaving. The pastor and his or her family is also leaving a community, a spiritual family, social support group, friends and etc. It’s painful.
It’s very hard to leave friends behind, leave people who you have been nurturing and growing with for a long time. So for me, I find it increasingly hard to keep on coming to my church as much as I love the people there, I have been under a lot of attack. I try to hold and hide it, only letting a small number of people I trust and feel close to know about it, even if they may or may not understand my situation.
I realized that spiritually and emotionally, I am just being drained out and I needed something else to keep me going, another spiritual support group, so for me I have been coming to this new church’s small group for a year now. I felt comfortable and built this nice chemistry with the mentors and the younger men of this small group. However, near the end of last year, a few of us were told that our group is too large now and there will be a new small group formed next year and a few members of this small group will go to the new one.
Going to a separate small group at another church has helped me tremendously. It helps me to
Last week was the first meeting of the new group and we took turn sharing about ourselves and what surprised me a bit was how much people shared in general despite most of us not really know each other too well. At my church, people don’t even share that much even after 6-7 years. And I was just participating and listening and observing as we plan the coming small group schedule together.
Other than that the small leader was going to take all the Bible study, everything was fine. It was rather normal. And it just startled me a bit, I was like “Hey, I am not tense. I don’t feel like I have to say anything, defend anything. This is normal.”
Still I missed my old small group which had became rather fun. I think I am going to miss the pastor a lot. He brought us a lot of fun and I thought that he was going to the new small group with us initially, I guess there was a change of plan. I have been listening to Glenn Kreider’s Intro to Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary and it’s a really good course. Kreider is very straight forward and he adds his real-life experience and perspective as a pastor in as well. Well, I mention his class because in his lecture, he talked about Ephesians 4 as well as 1 Corinthians 12 about the church as body of Christ. He said how when someone is hurt, everybody is hurt. And when someone is hurt and nobody knows about it, that’s telling us that there is something wrong, or that the body is sick. I believe it is a medical sickness when one part of the body is being hurt yet the rest of the body can’t feel like and doesn’t know about it. We can usually feel it when we get sick or hurt our finger or leg or something, we have senses. But when we don’t that’s the big problem.