The past week has been a pretty drastic and sad week.
On last last Saturday, the Saturday before the past Saturday, after a great sermon and Bible study our small group mentor Pastor Fu told us that she was leaving. The deacon body decided not to pass her probation period.
That was just a shocking news for us because she had been great at explaining the Scripture to us. She was a great facilitator as well and lowered a lot of tension. So it was bad bad news. And my observation that she was under stress was found out to be true. She was getting some pressure.
She briefly explained to us why and she was very upset and found the whole ordeal to be very unfair. She wondered if someone gave her bad review and we, the small group was shocked because none of us knew she was being reviewed and nobody asked for our opinion. She told us that we can write a letter to the deacon board and the human resource committee but they meeting was the next day, Sunday afternoon. Everybody was comforting her and I asked everybody to write letter. I was somewhat emotional and felt strongly that we must write the letter as soon as possible. Joe, Yi and Jay weren’t there. I urged everybody there to write but it ended up being just Can and I. I later found out from Can that Cher called Joe and Joe told everybody to hold back and not send the letter but instead organize a talk with the deacon board.
I gave the letter to deacon Yau and told him to read it and let all deacons see it at the meeting. That night, I actually got some reactions from other group members who thought I was taking matters into my own hand.
On Wednesday, some of us went to the meeting with the deacons, 7 of them were there. As Can predicted, we wouldn’t get much information on why but at least they heard our voices. They didn’t explain much and in the name of protecting others used secrecy to not disclose any reason why.
In hindsight, I think this event really showed people who they are. There are some changes in how people behave towards me and I really see how faulty theology is at play at my fellowship and at church, and with the deacons.
I had been really slow. Really waiting, giving people the benefit of the doubt, but as I realize now, there is nothing I can do and I am being attacked.
The problem is, people don’t tell you upfront what they think of you, they say things behind people’s back, the tell stories and they change people’s perception of you. And then you just can’t communicate with others because that trust is gone. They already has a view of you.
I had a deacon lied right in my face. Another pointing his finger at me. I felt there were a lot of assumption, many negative assumptions have been made.
It’s sad. I can leave but all those misled people. All those young believers. But I also realize I am powerless to do much. I have been talking with a small number of deacons about the problems for the past few years but they were never dealt with and it’s just keep on getting worst. I see people using the name of God and the Bible at their disposal to advance their own agendas, abusing other people.
They have told me to give them time, that to trust them, to believe in them but I realize they are part of it. I wait, I believe and I trust and I see pastors leaving, bad decisions that harm the church.
It’s sad but I guess it’s all up to God now.
A new Rev Li might come to our church and he gives very good sermons that pinpoint our problems. He’s good, I hope he would come for the church’s benefit, but for his own, I think someone should tell him honestly about this church so he can see fairly what’s best for his ministry. I would support him.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
For me I just don’t understand how bad people can make so much bad changes, and so hard to make good changes. But all I got is the Serenity Prayer to comfort me.