Worst Things about Being a Pastor’s Kid #3: Having an Identity Associated with Your Pastor Parent

One bad thing about being a pastor’s kid is being always associated with your dad or mom, parents. This is something that can be good and/or bad. Growing up as a pastor’s kid, often I get introduced by others as the “pastor’s kid.” I didn’t care as a kid, I felt special but as I grew up, it got a bit tiring and I didn’t want to have people see me simply as the “pastor’s” son and being associated with my father all the time, or be introduced as such to new people coming to church. 

Gradually people got the idea that I didn’t like it and would rather have people just refer to me as my name, but people find out and it’s can’t be a secret. 

It can be a good thing and it can work against you as well. 

I think people trust you more when they know you are the pastor’s kid, there’s a reassurance. Like, if something bad happens I can always go to pastor or he can’t be too bad if his dad is a pastor. 

Again, as mentioned before, when the weather is good, many doors do get open for serving and ministry, especially when your pastor parent is popular at the congregation but it can go the other way as well. It’s bad when people don’t like your pastor parent and cross the line and get down on you. 

I have personally been on both sides and it’s tough, especially when some people who don’t like your pastor parent. And I would like, “What the heck? I am the kid.” 

If you have been following my blog, there are people like that at church who would go against the whole pastor family for various reasons. Maybe they disagree with the pastor’s leadership, direction, etc. It can be anything, or just upset at pastor’s decision, something that the pastor said, whatever. I find it to be crossing the line when it extends to the pastor’s children. 

I have personally experience it and I do my best, actually I made a pledge to myself that I wouldn’t do the same thing to other people’s kids, like deacons’ or other pastors’ kids. I find it very very unfair and hurtful. I play with the small children of an associate pastor’s kids and I even take him for trips even though I knew his pastor dad has been rude to my parents and myself for various reasons. I reach out to deacons’ kids even if their parents disagree with my father’s decisions or leadership. 

I often wish that these adults would know better, would be respectful like I am to their kids, but in my current experience, that’s often not the case. I actually see a lot of pastors’ kids and deacons’ kids going to other churches when things get fired up. 

Even right now, I get a lot of heat and pressure from being the pastor’s kid with people just breathing on me. I have a ex-deacon who’s the “mentor” of my fellowship and he has issue with my pastor father and there are just a lot of lies being said and slandering going on. I find people being influenced and I being left out of serving positions, ministries and etc. It’s all part of a isolating plot, or ostracizing scheme which I am very upset about.

Sometimes whatever I say, people would think it’s from my father, and I wanted to be treated as a separated person, an individual.

 Recently, just the past Friday, I was invited by my small group representative to join the contact person committee meeting but I was blocked from going by the mentors with reasons I find to be bogus. I felt that was a double standard because another person went one time and nothing was said about that.

I think for younger PKs out there, or even pastors, sometimes it might a good thing for your kids, PKs to worship and go to another church. A church where the pastor’s kids can grow in a loving and friendly community and fellowship. Of course, I believe it’s always best if the PKs can serve and be involved, serving the Lord at the same church, but sometimes, under some circumstances, that might not be the best thing for PKs and the pastor family.  

One thing though, I do believe that God gives us what we can bare and when it’s too tough, it’s okay to change scenery. I have experienced pastors telling me different things, some tell me that God has something for you and it might be at a different church. Others tell me that it depends on you, another say God put you here for good reasons. And it’s hard to say, but I believe prayer is the first step and often times it’s just taking it step by step, praying, meeting different people and following advices from mentors. 

For me, I am lucky to have several loving mentors who have taken care into my development. I am lucky to have many pastor uncles and aunties, mostly my parents’ seminary school buddies. It is good to have these relationships because they might have similar experience with their kids and family, and their experience are always helpful. 

In starting this blog, one reason is to help other PK in their Christian walk. I hope this helps. 

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