Something in the Air

It’s been awhile, but the past Sunday I was reaffirmed that we just don’t talk about church issues all that much anymore and even if we do, some people are pretty dead set on where they stand with little room for discussion. I feel that some people have become rather absolute in how they think and very closed. That’s not what I remember we used to be like,  but now we are, is that what they call, “polarized?”

We don’t talk about the problems at church we haven’t talk about the issues at church for a long time, and people are trying to avoid it. We used to be able to talk about these problems but now we try to avoid them. I don’t exactly know why but I can only guess. It might cause heated discussion and girls just get angry. There might be emotions.

I found out that now we only talk about surface, shallow things, earthly, material things like the newest cellphones, technology, where to eat and what to buy. It’s pretty shallow.

I talk with my parents and some other church people and they agreed that we are just different with a different mindset.

We are more progressive. We think about church growth, we think about church development, we have dreams, we keep on thinking about ways to make church better, to better equip the people.

We want to talk about church issues. I don’t care much about shopping, where to eat, what to buy, I feel like I can do these things with my other friends. I demand a little more from my Christian friends, my fellow churchgoers.

I feel that they drifted, they used to be crazy about church, talk about church topics, the last sermons but now we don’t, we try to avoid them or get into very tense discussion about them.

Some people no longer want to talk with another, don’t want to talk about church topics, we don’t hang out any more out of convenient.

Yesterday, 3 deacon candidates did not get enough vote to become deacons, probably the first time since I came here and the first time in a decade that it had happened. Ming Sin was somewhat suspended by a letter questioning his character.

I think this is the sign of God looking over us and how the system of democracy and the eyes of the congregation have finally been opened. These three people are prideful people who are somewhat irresponsible. They love the position but not there to serve others. I believe one of them to be rather evil and a cancer to the congregation and have done much damage to the fellowship I go to.  They deserved it. I am glad the people of the congregation finally spoke with their votes and how the democracy system finally worked and people were no longer voting blindly and just voting everybody on the ballot.

The provisional pastor talked about requirements, character and responsibility of a deacon. It was good and I felt like something of a new beginning might come out of it. Gary went out and talked about his dream to rejuvenate the church. But at the same time there was a lot of sadness.

We have been hurt tremendously in the past few years and a lot of damaged have already been done to the congregation and I have no idea what will happen now and how we can heal and help people return to God, reconcile and etc. On the part of my family, we have been affected so much. We lost income, job, relationships, retirement fund, community. And so much sacrifice.

The damage have been done. The damage have been done so bad in the past 2-3 years that I have no idea how we can fix it. We are changed forever, and not in a good way, people are divided, there are people who left, people who got hurt, relationship that were broken and how to mend them back together?

And there’s so much work to do really. There is so much work to do that require so much wisdom, patient, kindness, sacrifice, time in a very delicate fashion. We should get to work right away. People have to be united.

I look at my fellowship and it is so freaking fragmented. It’s in the worst state I have ever seen it.

It is really a petty, about three years ago, when I left, it was in a pretty good state. It was in good condition, people were raising up, leaders were emerging, it was major feeding time, growth time.

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