Something New

I guess I got to experience what a normal fellowship should be like. And it always felt good for me to just be another person, another guy and not the pastor’s kid, not the expected leader, not the revolutionary, not the person people have high expectation or and know all about the Bible, and etc. It was okay for me to let slip a bit, people were welcoming and accepting.

They didn’t judge me when I did something different to the standard. A bunch of them were just kids really, who just started working, in their early 20s, mid-20s. They were just hilarious, and it’s funny how even the seminary student who is in college age was goofing with them. The pastor is a goof too. He shares his life with the fellowship.

The mentors were saying how they were kids and yes they were but I think it’s also that time when they should act a bit like kids … humm, they are in the 20s though. But I was like, if you can’t be like kids or be playful with your friends and brothers and sisters in CHrist, when can you be playful?

I felt comfortable with them and that I wasn’t going to be judged. We were honest and open with one another. That’s what fellowship should be like, without all of the political crap.

I am always scare of old mentors because of the situation at TC with very controlling and manipulative mentors. I find them to be loving and caring though. They might be strong as well but I do see the servant leadership, and I haven’t seen the crazy arrogance, at least no yet.

There is certainly the older ones who are married and been working for a while and the younger ones who just started working and are singles. Funnily, there are more guys than girls.

It also tells me what kind of shit fellowship life I have been experiencing and how unhealthy it is.

The funny thing is that I also met my old colleague

Back at TC on Saturday and Lo Sir was preaching and it was unusually better and more biblically sound than his usual sermons. It was actually kind of weird. Cow was really weird when leading the worship at fellowship. She was saying how she is not romantic and doesn’t agree with the lyrics of the song she was leading. She said she wasn’t sure if she believes in the lyrics and that she was suppose to lead last week but she bailed out because she couldn’t think of any hymns. She felt like she was shrinking.

The song lyrics goes like this, “Jesus I am willing to let you take me apart, Jesus I am willing to let you build me up, no matter how hard, no matter how much suffering, I am still willing to come to my Lord’s feet.”

I was thinking, why is she leading worship to begin with? Well, more accurate would be, she is like very pregnant and totally not in the right, why is she leading worship? Why nobody other than their dim sum party are leading worship? She doesn’t even believe in the lyrics or is doing what’s the lyrics is saying. I wanted to ask her, if you are singing this, and saying you are willing to let God take you apart and rebuild you, why are you still give some people of the fellowship who never offended you intentionally the cold shoulder? The silent treatment? Shouldn’t you be more opened up and be more of a loving person instead of a closed up person who only care about very few people in the fellowship? That’s not leadership, that’s like princess mentality and discrimination. That’s being mean and the opposite of Christ.

Despite my effort she haven’t spoke to me or even relied me when I greet her and asked her question. That is just not normal. She is right, she had been shrinking, she had been for like 2 years now. And it’s actually spreading , this behavior is spreading. It’s really weird.

And I am like thinking, “Are you, this fellowship, are people becoming more like Christ here?” Are we more loving? Are we less discriminating? And the answers would be “No, no and no.” We are more divided and scattered than ever before.

We are very weird and unnormal. We are very divided and scattered. I don’t really get it because don’t people know what is best for them? Don’t people know what is right?

There are so many wrong things going on that I don’t know where to start at TC. It’s like chaos, a mess.

Kat took over Bible study  because Joey had to work. Jay was in the toilet for  very long time so we waited for him for a while. Vinny came late, I think she just got a drink or something or went to the toilet. The Bible study was very different. There wasn’t so much propaganda crap as usual. There was much less of the usual themes they would be promoting disregarding whatever the Scripture and the passage is on. Usually the theme is relying on God, let down yourself, be obedient, let go, be passive and wait for God, doing nothing but pray, it’s okay to be selfish, being sympathetic to the Pharisees, and etc.

This is super weird. I guess is good, and I was more relaxed but dude this is weird. Kat was still poking at me though walking up the stairs and in the room when I said I miss the old sofa. She said maybe if you have an old sofa at home you could move it here. I was like, “The church is not a dumpster where you can put your old furniture in.” I didn’t said it out loud but just mumbled it under my breath. I said, “I don’t think church is where we put unwanted furniture, you are suppose to give what’s best and appropriate for the church.” I actually want to add that you give the best and buy it just for church’s use.

I know this mentality though, a lot of people do this, oh, I am getting a new fridge, a new computer, a new sofa, humm, what to do with my old fridge, computer etc…give it to church. The church becomes like a weird dumpster or collection of old furniture.

We were studying Luke 16, the whole chapter, yes, very long again. But it was good because the Word of God cut into the meat and totally go against their usual dumb and controlling themes. But I can’t but notice how for Kat and Joey it’s a lot about what we must do or not do in order to get our ticket to eternal life. That really troubled them. That was what they were looking for really. That was what they were most concerned with.

Their lack of spirituality and selfishness actually slip through despite their best effort. Joey was very quiet when he came at the end. Jai was probably the most verbal one with Kat. It was good because everybody talked with Vinny and Cher talking less than others. I was a bit quiet at the beginning because I needed to have my phone on to read the English version, I don’t process Chinese as well. Luke 16 is a passage that I studied before or had went to a talk on so it was very familiar to me yet it was a little difficult for me to explain it to them.

It was funny how Jai talked about poverty. He usually talk about how rightful it is to control your wealth and hold your position even at expense of others. I just don’t understand this drastic change. Their tune actually changed. Still I see Jai as being very cautious, before as well.

I really wonder what is happening behind the scene. What is going? Is Joey and others trying to distance themselves from Ming Sin? At least in front of me. I don’t know what happened, or what is happening. This is a drastic change.

I know that there is at least a person who complained about Ming Sin. I know that people in leadership positions are getting to know Ming Sin and how he does thing. All of us who serve with him or are affected by him through ministries and serving we are know his stuff.

So probably Joey and Jai are trying to distant themselves because it’s might be sinking. They want to secure themselves, their position, they don’t want to be pulled down so they want to project themselves by changing their views and what they say. I don’t know if it’s genuine but what they say is tilting more to  correct theology, theology that I find to be honest and real.

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