I realize that I am just hurting myself going to church.

But there are a few things that is holding me back: friends and basketball ministry, and probably the unwillingness to let those people get what they want; seeing me hurt and leave.

I still haven’t told any of my most beloved friends the whole story and what have been bothering me. There are several reasons.

I know that some of them don’t want to know too much. They would rather not know than know. Or they actually know but don’t want to be confronted with the truth with be and be responsible for something.

And the other reason is that if I just tell everything, it might be too much for them. They wouldn’t be able to digest or believe. Which makes me kind of regret that I didn’t talk my mind out more often and say what’s on my head, but then, I think I did the best with I knew at the time. And I did talk to people about my observation before.

However, I have a feeling that some of them know.

There are something that I simply cannot control and I can’t control what people think and how other choosing to influence others more willfully than me.

I made with Don Carson and he gave me this verse:

Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name.

Acts 5:41

I get it but I don’t really et it. So I should leave and rejoice that I am suffering and persecuted because of Christ?

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