You get lonely because nobody really understands you, especially your peers, people who are around your age.

If you grew up in church as a PK, by the time you are in your 20s or even late teen, you could have weathered a lot of storms and seen a lot of things at church. Things that nobody else other than maybe your siblings or family have seen and experienced.

Most people usually don’t understand because they simply are not in your shoes, and you are wearing some very unusual shoes.

That’s where I am.

My friends can guess at where I am. They know that I am upset or even angry or sad, but don’t really know the whole story. They might have asked someone but they usually, most of them, never asked your side of the story. Actually some of my friends did, but I chose not to tell them too much because it just involved too many people who they look up to, including their cousins.

Should I tell them that their cousins and other people they looked up to schemed to oust the senior pastor? Tell them the real dirt?

I couldn’t bring myself to it. I guess if they asked really good questions and really pressed it, I probably would, but they didn’t, which is good, so I didn’t.

Part of me do want to tell them everything, because I believe the truth set people free and it would give them another perspective because they are sure to ask the other people and they would give them theirs. It’s best to see both sides, even I want to, to get a better, clearer picture.

I struggle with if the truth is the best. In these situation, I don’t lie, but I would avoid the hard truth, or withhold the crap. What would be best for them?

Nevertheless, I am seeing them change. Some of them don’t want to know the truth, they don’t want to know the dirt because they somehow realize that it would set them apart with the people the like to have relationship with.

So that’s division. That’s split.

I am still worry about them because the original problem between maybe 2-5 people is becoming, spreading into something that affecting 30-40 people. It’s cancer.

I don’t really care how it affect me, how my friends are going to treat me, but the main thing is, that their faith will not be affected.  But I can’t control that.

I realize that I can’t really worry about them. I guess if I give them hard facts then they can make their own decisions, and if they don’t want the hard facts, that’s their choice too. I can’t make decisions for other people and I can’t worry and be responsible for other people’s decisions and action. I can only do the best I can. I can only do what’s best for me. I have my own responsibility. What was done wrong isn’t my responsibility.

I will always love them no matter if they love me back or not. When they come to me for help, I will do the best I can to help.

I talked to Chi Hang, a veteran teacher, and he told me when dealing with disrespectful students is not to drop to their level and play their games. Same at church and other people, I will not drop to them to play their game.

I am also responsible for myself.



We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”


The United States Declaration of Independence- July 4, 1776.


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