I think the deacons got it lucky that I had a very sore throat and practically lost my voice. I actually wonder if this is a will of God to make me lose my voice. The main reason is because I have been so worn out the past 2 weeks and for the past week I slept very little because of work. From last Sunday to Tuesday I only slept about 4 hours at most.

I was upset and questioned a few things. On hiring new pastors, they cancelled the the round of interview with the hiring with the clergy staff.

I actually mentioned it during the family meeting. I guess my concern was ignored and at this AGM they just took the whole part off in broad day light. Nobody objected. Nobody said anything. The excuse is that they wanted to speed up the application process. A very lame excuse.

I see it as another manipulation by some of the deacons to more tightly control who’s going to be hire. The problem with hiring before is that a few of them were looking at pastors who would submit to them, the stronger deacons. Most people wouldn’t think about this and those who could probably don’t dare to speak up in opposition.

This is going to have future consequences. Procedure that had been set up for ages has a reason for being there. Taking the interview with the clergy is basically excluding the clergy staff from seeing and making decision on who’s getting hired.

Why did L Sir did not object. Well, he figured that if he just go along and be a “yes man,” he would get what he wanted, which is to be “ordained”. It seems to be a trade. People are getting what they want, not what’s best for the church. Selfishness. A Chinese tradition. That’s why nothing great can come out of this place. You can have leaders with the greatest dream with the people capable to making it happen but it is all in vain because there are destructive selfish people.

L Sir and his contemporary pastors share a particular problem. Many of them are phonies and I wonder if they really are serving God. They do a lot of “surface” work for others to see, to protect themselves, but not so much the “inner” work. They try more to be populist than to be men of God. Preach what people want to hear rather than what’s truthful. This is sad news in the Chinese Christian community and it is a well-known fact amongst the clergy, especially the older ones. The new and coming generation is different from the previous one. In fact, a lot of people don’t think the old way would work. I wonder at that too. People are more crooked, cruel nowadays. They are more wicked and street smart. They are less pure. How do you deal with these Christians?

The crap part is that you know it’s wrong, what is going to happen and you can’t do anything about it. It’s just crap.

There are several reasons, first being that the candidate should get to chat and get to know with the clergy staff indepedently. He can then learn about the church and the work at church the clergy staff without interference from the laymen. Secondly, the it is only fair for the clergy staff to have a time with the candidate independent of layman. Both parties can see if they can work together well and believe in the same thing or style. The same procedure had been done for years, at least for a decade, why change it now?

I am afraid of the future consequences of this change in policy. I am upset that nobody mentioned it. I am sure some people found it strange but nobody spoke up.

I still wondered why some of the moderate deacons agreed to oust my dad. It was a very bad move for the moderate deacons to agree with them because they lost a strong voice of reason. Nobody dare to speak now. The quiet moderate deacons are like workers to be used, yet at the same time, they make the decision of the deacon board look more legit because people trust them and know they are upright.  Yet their uprightness is being used for selfish means by others.

It is just so crooked.

What will be even worst is that with the pastor gone, I am not sure if they will still be treated as well as before when the other deacons wanted their support.

Poor people. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Nobody really asked questions today. Was it good? I think people were afraid or just didn’t want too much trouble or confrontation. Enoch was totally quiet. Leo made a lot of suggestion and so did Nick Wong. I wanted to too, but my voice was gone. These people who spoke up love the church. I wish there are more of them. They should be deacons. They really should.

The other group of people I feel sorry for and even responsible for would be the ones in my fellowship who do not necessarily follow and agree with Ming Sin. They are going to be like orphans now. They need a leader. They are not really being developed.

There was a question about getting a pastor to be ordinated. I think they planted it there, the same old trick had been done before. Oh my gosh. Smoke-screen. This church, I don’t know where it will go. It’s all in God’s hand  and I am pretty much leaving unless something changes.


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