Throughout this whole church episode, I realized that it allowed me to understand my dad a whole lot more than before. One realization I have recently is that I am even acting and behaving like him. I kind of caught myself as I were going through similar emotions and having similar behavioral pattern.

I wonder if we actually inherit personality and behaviors from our parents but I find myself being more like my parents, which is a scary thought.

The part with my dad is probably since I am going through something similar, that I feel like I am being betrayed by the people I love and served. There is anger, disappointment, sadness, grief, shock and probably a whole lot more. At the same time, this is causing depression and probably even brain damage because there was a time when I had a very hard time remembering things. According to a doctor I saw, I might be in depression.

However, the worst had gone, that forgetful phrase has passed somewhat. There was a phrase of at least a month when I was being quite forgetful at work. I was basically just down and depressed and distracted.

I wonder if my dad went through the same thing. He probably did and he’s much older.

As pastor, he showed and gave people a lot of grace but he didn’t get it in return from the people.

I can relate to that.


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