They announced that my father will be leaving the senior pastor position in April last night during Saturday service. It was the head deacon who made the announcement. I saw him during service, he sat behind me in a gray suit, very neat. I nodded at him and he returned it. I can’t believe how we were still talking and chatting and even laughed together just a few weeks ago.

I wonder if he knew what he was doing? I can’t believe that is the same guy who was tough and nonnegotiable to my dad. I know that he is not the schemer, he is the puppet the schemers is using to oust the senior pastor. He had been influenced. I wonder if he is struggling with his conscience.

Afterward, people acted very normal. And I couldn’t really believe people could still laugh and acted normal. I was trying not to look too sad. When I got up, the head deacon was no where to be seen. We pretend to be normal I guess. I think I saw Catherine who worked at the sound panel left with teary eyes.

I feel like as if a team was defeated in the world cup final and I was suppose to pick up the people and comfort them, even though someone should comfort me too. They should be okay, and it might change my life. It is at these moment that you understand Christ.

At fellowship, there were very few of us. Much less than usual. One reason is Elaine and Ken’s wedding. And the two deacons led the worship and prayer. I have been through this before and they were so phony. Michelle hardly answered me as I talked.

I didn’t like the wording of the announcement and it was not

I didn’t have the heart to tell them the truth. Wa was crying a bit and asked if my dad is retiring or found another place to work. I didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth.

It’s Sunday today and I wonder if I should go to church again to comfort people, to be with my mom. I think I should totally even though it might be hard.

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