I believe in Jesus.

In the past few weeks I have talked with several friends and shared about my situation at my church. These people include church elders, pastors, and other Christians. All of them have been long-time active church goers and I am getting a mix bags of advises.

Pastor A

20-30 years experience of serving in church. She knows who the person is and her advice is for me to go to another fellowship at church, go somewhere and serve at a place at church where he and others don’t have as much power. However, she also advised me to leave church also.

She also mentioned that from her experience, sometimes it is just wait for God. We can’t change people, especially when they are 50-60 years old. Sometimes it is to just stay there and be blameless, and waiting for the other person to die. However, in my church, they have nurtured younger versions of themselves.

I don’t want to waste my time and wait for people to die. 


She asked me if I could stand the situation, if I can’t then I should leave, and that it’s my choice to accept it or not, to be happy about it or not. Which is strange about it, she told me it’s up to me whether I am happy or not (but they are causing my misery). I guess she saying not to let them control me.


Stay there and trust in God, wait for God, be righteousness and blameless.

Friend 1

My former small group leader from college days who experience similar experience.

Leave, don’t stay, or even go to two churches, just leave and it will be good. He told me the fall out was because of miscommunication. Think about if you leaving will discourage others, be beneficial for others. When he left his church, some people were sad and some were discouraged but he think he did the right thing and made the right decision to move on.

Friend 2

He told me to wait for God and that I could go to his church and that his church is actually going through the same thing. Only time and God can change people. Say and do appropriate things. The conflict arise because we want to judge, change people and punish people. Need to know God is in control. Changes won’t happen unless God allows it.

As for me, I know that just by being that it pisses them off and at least 3 people think I am a threat.

I read about Chinese church and I see it too.

Traditional Asian families are not grace centered. They are obligation centered. They are face (public image) centered. They are honor-shame centered. Some are able to follow the system, others cheat here and there, and others still are marginalized by it. There is a lot of guilt, a lot of hurt, a lot of tired people trying to satisfy a system based on shame and not grace.


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