I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but I need to live in the moment and not worry about the future, what it might bring, at the same time, I need to prepare myself for the worst.
I look at church and wonder will it be the same in 30 years? Will the leadership be the same in 30 years? Will it still be a man worshipping church for the next 30 years with no growth as in the past 20-30 years? If so, I don’t want to waste my time here. I don’t want to go against these people,that’s a waste of time.
I often wonder at this? How can I deal with what’s going on and the insecurity that I feel at church. I want freedom from this.
I also realize something is that this is all the work of satan. Yet God is allowing this because He thinks I can take it and there is something for me to learn here but that doesn’t mean I know what to do.
I am not quite sure if this church is an abusive church. Most people are good, it’s just that there are a handful of destructive people and a few more misled people. However, there seems to be a few in every fellowship. Most people are good but they are quiet and some of these people are in the leadership (deacon board) with others who are influenced by them.
I found this at http://www.takerootandwrite.com/2009/10/protecting-your-pk-from-the-enemys-assignment.html and it is so true and gives much insight to the work of satan.
The longer I am in ministry the more I realize just how true John 10:10 is: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (NIV). The devil did not come just to give you a bad hair day or cause your nails to chip. His goal is to absolutely DESTROY your marriage, your children, your entire family, your church, your life.
No where is this more evident than with pastor’s children. The devil hates PK’s because there is such potential, promise and anointing upon them from growing up in a pastor’s home. They are given at least 18 years of up close discipleship. They live in the ministry world although they are not pastors, they know a whole lot about ministry. Quite frankly a teenage PK might have a better handle on the “ministry world” and understanding of it more than a church board member or ministry leader because they are immersed in the ministry by virtue of living in a pastor’s home. They have insight about what goes on even if you don’t tell them everything. Kids aren’t clueless, they pick upon so much whether you tell them or not. …
… My children are amazingly intuitive and discerning about people and things in the church because they’ve been around the block with this thing called ministry. Aside from the calling of God, why do you think so many pastor’s kids become pastors themselves? They basically have a lifetime of ministry schooling before they even go to Bible College.
With that said, there are many other reasons that Satan would love to destroy our children but one of the main ones is, they have so much potential to destroy his kingdom. Anybody with that much discipleship and ministry experience is surely a threat.
I know that through the church, satan is there to destroy my spiritual life, my family and even friendship. satan wants me to be ineffective. he wants to take me down and I hate him. I need to remind myself that it is he who is hurting me and people are basically allowing themselves to be used by satan in destroying us.
I need a lot of prayer and deepen my relationship with God.