I started going to a new church, an international church. I have been there several years ago and tried to go there but still I didn’t know anybody.
Last night, I went to play soccer with guys there and they were quite friendly. I found someone I knew from a school. I know we can’t be friends right away but they were friendly for my first time there. There was sympathy and empathy. I can’t remember too many names, but there were Ken, Paul, Ryan, Ivan, Andrew and Aldi I believe. It was a mix group of people from different places.
I already got an email to go to a small group very close to my place. Things are going smoothy and I wonder if God is preparing me. I am preparing myself to not be depended on the church I cam going to. It’s really like a break up, knowing that it might not work for long-term, like a relationship. I want to be together but it seems like circumstances are not allowing me to. I have some regrets. I often wonder why things have to be so complicated. We were quite happy and free like back in 2008-2009. Now it’s like “What the heck is going on?”
Back then it was more innocent, less things to think about, there was trust and simplicity, now it’s shit.
There is a part of them that I just cannot understand. Part of them that I cannot know. I wonder what I did to deserve this, yet I realize that it is none my doing, but the doings of others.
My friends and I, we tried really hard, and served to get people together but I don’t think I got to enjoy the fruits. We started something, created something but I didn’t get to enjoy what we started. I find it unfair but life is unfair isn’t it. And it’s probably my approach and what people want. We thought we could create unity but that was manipulated by others and the wolf came in and broke everything done. Maybe I overestimated the wolf. Maybe it isn’t as bad, but it is bad.