I don’t know what started it but I just happen to be watching some Conan O’Brien clips and bumped into his farewell speech. It reminded me of my own situation at church.
There is a very real possibility that I might have to leave, I had contemplated this back in 2006 when I first I came to this church and it’s one of the reasons I never got the church membership because I was afraid of the hurt. It’s hurting already.
I realized that there isn’t a future for me to serve in anything of much capacity. The other pastors are afraid of these few people and will not let me enter the ministries even when others think I am suitable. One of these wolves is in the youth ministry so I can’t get in there also. It’s strange but what is happening is that you actually see how they got their people posted at different posts so they could oversees things. It’s creepy and scary. And you wonder how long they have been planning this strategically, probably for at least a 3 years and the mission is to command and control.
It’s really just down to 2 or 3 people who are doing all the damage but they have such strong characters and influence with destruction.
I have been somewhat preparing myself for the worst, which is to leave. I am not sure what to do really. These wolves in sheep’s skins are very intelligent and sneaky, and they prey on unaware church goers. Two of them are deacons and they are isolating and pressuring the head pastor through the deacon board chairman who is either too stupid to know that he is being used or is also being pressured and influenced to make poor and unconventional decisions he is making to make it a poor working experience for the head pastor, my father.
I wonder what I should be doing. Should I fight or should I simply leave? What is the best for everybody?
What is the best for everybody? The best would be to confront these people and tell them what they are doing is wrong (which they know already). So if they know what they are doing is wrong and is still doing it, what can you do? I think they would deny it with logic or other means, including Scripture and blame the problem on others, or that they have no choice but to do this, whatever they are doing. Or say what they are doing is beneficial. Another thing is it is hard to really point to what they are doing is wrong.
Of course, there is the gossiping, controlling evidence of how they were organizing everything but even that is very minor. How can you prove someone’s intention and motive? It would be a trial that would be very labour intensive. How can you prove spiritual abusive behaviour? Or even to explain it?
What does the Bible say?
“If your fellow believer sins against you, go and tell him in private what he did wrong. If he listens to you, you have helped that person to be your brother or sister again. But if he refuses to listen, go to him again and take one or two other people with you. … If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen to the church, then treat him like a person who does not believe in God or like a tax collector” (Matthew 18:15-17, NCV)
Okay, so I should go talk to those few people one by one, individually. And they are my elders.
Problem 1: I don’t think they will even want to meet with me one-on-one especially for me to say what they are doing is wrong. And I can’t really say what they are doing is wrong but more unhealthy for the fellowship. Well, they are playing favoritism and being divisive.
Problem 2: I don’t think I can find one or two other people who are knowledgeable, mature and courageous enough to confront them.
Problem 3: Tell the church…they are kind of like the church. Report them during AGM meeting? Isn’t that a little too much. Write a letter to the deacon board? 2 of them are on the deacon boards and they have 2-3 other deacon buddies on the deacon board.
Basically this is not going to work for me because I think I am dealing with at least one with Narcissistic Personality Disorder 自戀狂, and here is what these NPD people would do to you (which is happening now to both my dad and I): “And should you choose to stand up to them, beware. They will stop at nothing to destroy you.” And the next line of the author is, “Someday soon I’ll tell you my story where I dared challenge an NPD church leader. Let’s just say it was a very expensive costly decision on my part.”
I have been preparing myself by reading books but most of them are American books and Chinese are a bit more complex. Chinese, on general, are not so strong on principles, they are more relationship orientated. Relationship and connection is like everything to Chinese, that’s one of the reasons why the concept of rule of law is such a problem in China. There is a lot “I rub you back if you rub my back” culture. That’s something the Chinese have to learn.