I predicted it because I have seen it happen before but it doesn’t stop the hurt. And I didn’t think it would happen in my fellowship which I put so much of my heart into.
I am being excluded by really just a very few people in the fellowship. Some of them know it and are not doing anything while really it’s only about 3-4 people who are doing the damages in making me feel unwelcome.
There is actually just one or two people and they influence the few others to think the same way.
How do I know it’s official? Looking at the newest schedule for fellowship roles, I don’t get to lead Bible study anymore. I usually get to lead once or twice every 2 months, and be in charge of a meeting once every three times but not anymore.
The surprising thing is that a few people who are only came recently get to lead Bible study a few times as well as leading meeting. And those are person that I have been friendly with.
The person who scheduled it basically is sending a message as well as using his power to take me out of the scene. I have seen it happen before. So what is happening? I think they want to discourage me, and let others see as well that there is something going on. They might be sending a message to the whole small group, but it’s only contained in the small group.
As for, did I do anything wrong? No. I would say 95% of the people at church like me and trust me. I am upright, don’t hurt anybody and care for others so the question is-Why am I getting this treatment?
Here comes the church politic part that is very hurtful. My dad is the head pastor. My small group leader is the co-chairman on the deacon board. The only mentor we have at our fellowship is also a deacon. My small group leader and the fellowship mentor have a very close relationship since the mentor is like his spiritual father. Both of them are controlling characters. The mentor once made an attempt to include the head pastor, my father, to join his “gang.” The head pastor knows his character and wants to remain neutral and did not join his “gang.” According to the mentor, you are either “in” or “out” and I guess I am getting the “out” treatment.
I am good and well-liked by 90% of the fellowship people and I am not sure what’s going to happen. It’s only really 2-3 people who are at work, but they are powerful, resourceful (in a bad way) and influential.
My sister went through the same thing 6-7 years ago and I kind of told myself that I won’t let that happen to me but now I think it might. It is very real. I keep on telling myself that I don’t deserve this, that these things shouldn’t be happening at church which is the body of Christ, but it is happening and it is happening all over the place in different churches right now.
To help myself get through this ordeal, I am asking:
“What is something God want me to learn from this?”
“How can I be stronger in this situation?”
“What can I do and what can’t I do? (What should I do?)”
I am asking myself a lot of questions. What are the intention of the enemy? I think they want me to be discouraged, upset, be angered and leave. They want me to shut up, to be quiet and disappear.
I want to fight in the sense to confront this and correct his situation, I want to resolve this. Honestly, this fellowship and this church I have been going and devoting myself to for the past few years isn’t the best church or fellowship I have been to, but I don’t think I ever cared so much about any church before.
Another thing is, I am not that important. No matter what, God’s will will be carried out with or without me. God can fix this, I can’t. I must trust that God is in control and is allowing these things to happen for His reasons.