I always wonder what the church is suppose to do when you have a wolf or bully? 

The Bible actually has very clear instruction but most people don’t like to follow them. In reality, most people, even leaders and especially at Asian churches, people keep quiet and hope the guy would leave or die naturally. 

I have heard from different people that that’s what a lot of Chinese church would do. They might have a powerful person, a powerful bully, someone who likes to be the boss. Most people don’t like the person but they would not say anything or object the person. People of the congregation might talk about him in small group setting but nobody would confront the person with his problem. They would just wait for that guy to go away. 

I find that to be a great waste of time. Bad leaders can do very harmful things at the church yet people just tolerate it with no opposition. I find it very ridiculous and selfish behaviour. Nobody want to speak up because nobody want to take risk. If you really care about that person you would talk to him about the problem, but no, everybody just keep quiet, including the head deacon, all the leaders and deacons who should. That’s just irresponsibility. That’s cowardliness. 

 

Is this ever complicated work with ever more complex relationship and people, I had a belief that my dad’s seminary training of being pure is out of date. His seminary believes in training workers when young before they have work experience. 

I find that to be out of date. The society is too complex now, it would be too difficult for a newbie from seminary without real life work experience to work with people, he would just be cooked. I expressed my view to a veteran pastor. 

She then asked me, “Would you rather have some one who is naive but faithful and stand by God or someone who is slick and go along with crowd?” 

I would take the former. She later explained that people will learn and make adjustment. And yes, I truly believe the first one would do much better because the pastors I dislike and who I would consider to be traitors to be in the second category, they are good people pleaser, get along, sneaky but at times would betray the Words of God. And they are actually dangerous to church.

We see that nowadays in Hong Kong, a good number of young pastors coming out are showmen. They would do a lot of things outside of their full-time church job like holding talks to promote themselves. They would try to get famous and published. 

We also see how Christians nowadays seek knowledge, new knowledge, things they might not even understand and are harder and more harder to work with pastors. We also have this very very busy life that makes it hard to train laymen. 

It’s like a vicious cycle. We have poorly trained laymen which turns into lesser pastors, which in turn give bad teachers and even train laymen poorer than previous generation. Very depressing. 

 

I often wonder why people can be so mean and unethical. 

At church, at work and in society I believe most people are decent and good. But sometimes even good people would do something very bad and even evil. 

At church, I would sometimes wonder, “Don’t we believe in the same thing? The same God? I thought we all go by these rules.” 

For me, I am more responsive, usually I am like, “What the heck?” I would sit on it and think about it, think about why it bothers me and then when it goes to far, react. Sometimes I just react on instinct which I found out is not the best way but at the same time, a reaction or a response to something bad and wrong is very essential t a healthy community. 

But we have to be wise on how to respond in a respectful way, even when the other party doesn’t. 

I realize that a community break down when the dialogue is dead, prevented, banned or etc. And looking back, this experience of banning dialogue has made me a person who became very sensitive and hateful to whoever who disrespect others and would shut other people’s voices out. 

I truly believe good communication and dialogue is essential, but not everybody go by that. 

I think people get defensive, frightened and aggressive when a social contract is breached, violated. That’s when all hell break loose. All hell break loose because the understanding between people, the rules, the social contract, decency are broken and disrespected. It becomes a war. 

However, what I think is, sometimes we don’t know it when we broke those rules. It’s silly to think that way, but sometimes we don’t know and did it “accidentally”. Of course, there are also people who do intentionally hurt others. 

The issue and the problem is always, “What should a good person” or a godly person do? We can’t respond with evil. We can’t counter gossip with gossip, slander with slander. We are pretty limited. Often time we have to rely on the decency, strength of character, fairness, moral strength and courage of our leaders. But what if the leadership isn’t so? 

I have been reading 2 Samuel as part of my goal of finishing reading the OT this year and a passage gave me reflection on this topic.

David, for a good period of time, was a good king but I question if he was a good father. 

²⁰ Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, “Is it true that Amnon has been with you? Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he’s your brother. Don’t you worry about it.” So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house.

2 Samuel 13:21-22, 26-27

²¹ When King David heard what had happened, he was very angry.²² And though Absalom never spoke to Amnon about this, he hated Amnon deeply because of what he had done to his sister.

 

²⁶ “Well, then,” Absalom said, “if you can’t come, how about sending my brother Amnon with us?”

“Why Amnon?” the king asked. ²⁷ But Absalom kept on pressing the king until he finally agreed to let all his sons attend, including Amnon. So Absalom prepared a feast fit for a king.

King David, displayed poor leadership here. He should’ve disciplined and punished Amnon and showed justice to Tamar. But he didn’t. In fact, it seemed that Amnon got away with murdering her sister’s livelihood and destroyed her life. And it seems to me that David was not aware of how the adultery affected his family. Amnon went about as usual. This led of David’s son Absalom who eventually had to took it upon himself to do her sister justice on Amnon. This eventually led to a civil war between David and Absalom, who was one of the favourite sons of David. 

So that’s what happened. When there was no justice, fairness and courage from the leadership, some people took it upon themselves but was that the best or good way to do?

Social contract was obviously broken by Amnon. Nothing was done about it and all hell broke loose, one thing led to another. And it ended with a lot of people dead. 

On a brighter note, a young youth who is graduating from university is going to short-term mission to France in the summer and have asked me if I would sponsor him. I said “yes” and told him I would like to know more. We actually haven’t chatted for a long time since the 75th Anniversary of TC dinner. 

He has been part the Campus Crusade at university and it’s really good for him. He’s a thinker, independent, has insights with good foundation. He told me that if he’s not going to get a job with the government after summer, he might go to Australia for another year of school in Sydney. I told him about the Christian training there. 

 

Ming Sin was sitting quite close to us and I am a little concerned that he might attempt to influence this kid as well. He has more tools that I and more resources. 

I don’t know but if he does, I might go all out. He has to be removed to a position of no influence. 

If things are to change in TC, it’s really up to the young people, the youth and it’s sad really and it shouldn’t be their burden because it should be older people’s, people who are respected leaders, people like Film Square, Ga So, but instead they are hiding from those responsibility and leaving it for others less influential to make changes. 

It shouldn’t be this way. 

 

 

I threw this question out there, “Why did Jesus ask the rich man to leave all his possession behind and follow him?”

^18:22 When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

 I asked everybody, no response, then I asked Sun and Vin. Silent, or was it clueless. It seemed like that they were clueless but the answer was right there. I then asked Jai.

He said it was because “he was the only person there.” He was basically “chun”ing me. The dumb thing was that Gi got influenced to think so too…

I made the example that John wasn’t asked to drop all this possession and give them to the poor when Jesus asked him to come with Him.

He answered that it was because he already left his boat and stuff behind. He just answered my question. And I had to turn it a round full circle.

Pastor Fung further explained it more.  I had to emphasize that Jesus gave him a choice, follow Jesus Christ or stay with the riches. The rich man chose the riches. Jesus knew that it was his weakness and went right to it.

But at the end, I was like, dude, are you guys serious? It was a pretty obvious question, the answer is right there.

Joe stayed pretty quiet most of the time, actually, it’s hard to recall if he spoke at all. Vi and Sun were quiet too. Sun actually asked the same question which we have asked and I wasa bit surprised thinking, “Where have you been in the past hour?” I told him we talked about it and Pastor Fung helped explaining it.

It was a rather easy passage to study. Jesus was doing most of the teachings very clearly really. Usually I would go read a commentary or two but this time I felt like I didn’t have to and even if I needed to answer some questions together, I could pop out my smartphone and computer.

I was very thankful to Pastor Fung for sharing about herself

I asked this question with relation to the passage on the rich man’s encounter with Jesus. I asked this, “What have you given up to follow Christ?”

And it got misinterpreted as “you need to give up things in life to follow Jesus and have eternal life”… This is a big problem we have, it’s a major concern for Joe, Yin and Jai…they have this common question of “What I need to do to get to heaven?” Like conditions that has to be fulfilled to get the ticket into heaven.

Pastor Fu knew what I was talking about. Jai was still in his box, he is always inside his framework of thinking, this box and seeing everything out from this box. Same is with Joe. That is the Ming Sin effect I believe, somehow he has this ability to shape how people think.

Jai talked a bit and I actually appreciate how this question was making them think. It’s a good reflective question. “What did you give to follow Christ?”In reality, I don’t think most of us had to give up anything to be Christian really. Sun could actually share about his testimony with his wife.

But ended up Pastor Fu sharing about her decision to go to seminary with her family being against it and angry at her for 4 years. Then Gi shared her as well.

Jai was very concerned if being rich prevent you from getting salvation.

Pastor Fung and I explained it a few times and Jai also resummerized it later on. I feel that he was asking that question to make clear and sure that we were not talking about having riches prevent you from going to heaven.

He actually asked that even in previous studies and a point that he expressed again and again. He started explaining that we need to be in a position of “guardian” of things on earth with what we have.

I can see a very quick change of their explanations and views in the past 2 months or so. Joe and Jai’s views are transforming, as if trying to bridge the view of what I am saying with a slight different take which I can’t say is inaccurate. But I feel that it is going to another platform in which they are to justify themselves.

A letter that complains about Ming Sin was made and Ming Sin actually did not keep mum but told people about it and who wrote that letter. And I believe he is and Joe as well, are making a the transition to kind of safeguard themselves. Jai is still on the attack as shown by turning the question back at me to ridicule me. Joe was just watching it happening.

I believe the silence was a tactic, it was a fear tactic. Only the people who doesn’t know about the church politics, Gi and K Po talked. Or the one who are above it, Pastor Fung.

There was also fear in the group. And I think really that Jai, Joe and I should be separated to different groups. But they can’t go because they have to be here to keep control even though you have Pastor Fu here. They somehow have to contain me. They can’t move me to another group because I would probably cause more problem for them just by speaking the truth about the Bible and being honest.

Having Pastor Fu there is great because she balances it out and keep the calm and take the pressure off me. She is kind of like the mediator.

However, I was still disappointed and feel sad about how people are fearful to speak their minds and share honestly and also about the hostility here. It wasn’t like this.

Even 3 years ago when I first came back to HK in 2011, I could make it lifted up with some small games and activities. Not anymore. It’s just dead now. And it really shouldn’t be this way.

If they can just simply stop the freaking controlling crap, it wouldn’t be like this.  THEY HAVE TO STOP. The condition is deteriorating.

Pastor Lo said that it was the lowest turn out for the AGM and midday service ever since he started coming to TC. I felt that too last Sunday.

It’s been awhile, but the past Sunday I was reaffirmed that we just don’t talk about church issues all that much anymore and even if we do, some people are pretty dead set on where they stand with little room for discussion. I feel that some people have become rather absolute in how they think and very closed. That’s not what I remember we used to be like,  but now we are, is that what they call, “polarized?”

We don’t talk about the problems at church we haven’t talk about the issues at church for a long time, and people are trying to avoid it. We used to be able to talk about these problems but now we try to avoid them. I don’t exactly know why but I can only guess. It might cause heated discussion and girls just get angry. There might be emotions.

I found out that now we only talk about surface, shallow things, earthly, material things like the newest cellphones, technology, where to eat and what to buy. It’s pretty shallow.

I talk with my parents and some other church people and they agreed that we are just different with a different mindset.

We are more progressive. We think about church growth, we think about church development, we have dreams, we keep on thinking about ways to make church better, to better equip the people.

We want to talk about church issues. I don’t care much about shopping, where to eat, what to buy, I feel like I can do these things with my other friends. I demand a little more from my Christian friends, my fellow churchgoers.

I feel that they drifted, they used to be crazy about church, talk about church topics, the last sermons but now we don’t, we try to avoid them or get into very tense discussion about them.

Some people no longer want to talk with another, don’t want to talk about church topics, we don’t hang out any more out of convenient.

Yesterday, 3 deacon candidates did not get enough vote to become deacons, probably the first time since I came here and the first time in a decade that it had happened. Ming Sin was somewhat suspended by a letter questioning his character.

I think this is the sign of God looking over us and how the system of democracy and the eyes of the congregation have finally been opened. These three people are prideful people who are somewhat irresponsible. They love the position but not there to serve others. I believe one of them to be rather evil and a cancer to the congregation and have done much damage to the fellowship I go to.  They deserved it. I am glad the people of the congregation finally spoke with their votes and how the democracy system finally worked and people were no longer voting blindly and just voting everybody on the ballot.

The provisional pastor talked about requirements, character and responsibility of a deacon. It was good and I felt like something of a new beginning might come out of it. Gary went out and talked about his dream to rejuvenate the church. But at the same time there was a lot of sadness.

We have been hurt tremendously in the past few years and a lot of damaged have already been done to the congregation and I have no idea what will happen now and how we can heal and help people return to God, reconcile and etc. On the part of my family, we have been affected so much. We lost income, job, relationships, retirement fund, community. And so much sacrifice.

The damage have been done. The damage have been done so bad in the past 2-3 years that I have no idea how we can fix it. We are changed forever, and not in a good way, people are divided, there are people who left, people who got hurt, relationship that were broken and how to mend them back together?

And there’s so much work to do really. There is so much work to do that require so much wisdom, patient, kindness, sacrifice, time in a very delicate fashion. We should get to work right away. People have to be united.

I look at my fellowship and it is so freaking fragmented. It’s in the worst state I have ever seen it.

It is really a petty, about three years ago, when I left, it was in a pretty good state. It was in good condition, people were raising up, leaders were emerging, it was major feeding time, growth time.

I guess I got to experience what a normal fellowship should be like. And it always felt good for me to just be another person, another guy and not the pastor’s kid, not the expected leader, not the revolutionary, not the person people have high expectation or and know all about the Bible, and etc. It was okay for me to let slip a bit, people were welcoming and accepting.

They didn’t judge me when I did something different to the standard. A bunch of them were just kids really, who just started working, in their early 20s, mid-20s. They were just hilarious, and it’s funny how even the seminary student who is in college age was goofing with them. The pastor is a goof too. He shares his life with the fellowship.

The mentors were saying how they were kids and yes they were but I think it’s also that time when they should act a bit like kids … humm, they are in the 20s though. But I was like, if you can’t be like kids or be playful with your friends and brothers and sisters in CHrist, when can you be playful?

I felt comfortable with them and that I wasn’t going to be judged. We were honest and open with one another. That’s what fellowship should be like, without all of the political crap.

I am always scare of old mentors because of the situation at TC with very controlling and manipulative mentors. I find them to be loving and caring though. They might be strong as well but I do see the servant leadership, and I haven’t seen the crazy arrogance, at least no yet.

There is certainly the older ones who are married and been working for a while and the younger ones who just started working and are singles. Funnily, there are more guys than girls.

It also tells me what kind of shit fellowship life I have been experiencing and how unhealthy it is.

The funny thing is that I also met my old colleague

Back at TC on Saturday and Lo Sir was preaching and it was unusually better and more biblically sound than his usual sermons. It was actually kind of weird. Cow was really weird when leading the worship at fellowship. She was saying how she is not romantic and doesn’t agree with the lyrics of the song she was leading. She said she wasn’t sure if she believes in the lyrics and that she was suppose to lead last week but she bailed out because she couldn’t think of any hymns. She felt like she was shrinking.

The song lyrics goes like this, “Jesus I am willing to let you take me apart, Jesus I am willing to let you build me up, no matter how hard, no matter how much suffering, I am still willing to come to my Lord’s feet.”

I was thinking, why is she leading worship to begin with? Well, more accurate would be, she is like very pregnant and totally not in the right, why is she leading worship? Why nobody other than their dim sum party are leading worship? She doesn’t even believe in the lyrics or is doing what’s the lyrics is saying. I wanted to ask her, if you are singing this, and saying you are willing to let God take you apart and rebuild you, why are you still give some people of the fellowship who never offended you intentionally the cold shoulder? The silent treatment? Shouldn’t you be more opened up and be more of a loving person instead of a closed up person who only care about very few people in the fellowship? That’s not leadership, that’s like princess mentality and discrimination. That’s being mean and the opposite of Christ.

Despite my effort she haven’t spoke to me or even relied me when I greet her and asked her question. That is just not normal. She is right, she had been shrinking, she had been for like 2 years now. And it’s actually spreading , this behavior is spreading. It’s really weird.

And I am like thinking, “Are you, this fellowship, are people becoming more like Christ here?” Are we more loving? Are we less discriminating? And the answers would be “No, no and no.” We are more divided and scattered than ever before.

We are very weird and unnormal. We are very divided and scattered. I don’t really get it because don’t people know what is best for them? Don’t people know what is right?

There are so many wrong things going on that I don’t know where to start at TC. It’s like chaos, a mess.

Kat took over Bible study  because Joey had to work. Jay was in the toilet for  very long time so we waited for him for a while. Vinny came late, I think she just got a drink or something or went to the toilet. The Bible study was very different. There wasn’t so much propaganda crap as usual. There was much less of the usual themes they would be promoting disregarding whatever the Scripture and the passage is on. Usually the theme is relying on God, let down yourself, be obedient, let go, be passive and wait for God, doing nothing but pray, it’s okay to be selfish, being sympathetic to the Pharisees, and etc.

This is super weird. I guess is good, and I was more relaxed but dude this is weird. Kat was still poking at me though walking up the stairs and in the room when I said I miss the old sofa. She said maybe if you have an old sofa at home you could move it here. I was like, “The church is not a dumpster where you can put your old furniture in.” I didn’t said it out loud but just mumbled it under my breath. I said, “I don’t think church is where we put unwanted furniture, you are suppose to give what’s best and appropriate for the church.” I actually want to add that you give the best and buy it just for church’s use.

I know this mentality though, a lot of people do this, oh, I am getting a new fridge, a new computer, a new sofa, humm, what to do with my old fridge, computer etc…give it to church. The church becomes like a weird dumpster or collection of old furniture.

We were studying Luke 16, the whole chapter, yes, very long again. But it was good because the Word of God cut into the meat and totally go against their usual dumb and controlling themes. But I can’t but notice how for Kat and Joey it’s a lot about what we must do or not do in order to get our ticket to eternal life. That really troubled them. That was what they were looking for really. That was what they were most concerned with.

Their lack of spirituality and selfishness actually slip through despite their best effort. Joey was very quiet when he came at the end. Jai was probably the most verbal one with Kat. It was good because everybody talked with Vinny and Cher talking less than others. I was a bit quiet at the beginning because I needed to have my phone on to read the English version, I don’t process Chinese as well. Luke 16 is a passage that I studied before or had went to a talk on so it was very familiar to me yet it was a little difficult for me to explain it to them.

It was funny how Jai talked about poverty. He usually talk about how rightful it is to control your wealth and hold your position even at expense of others. I just don’t understand this drastic change. Their tune actually changed. Still I see Jai as being very cautious, before as well.

I really wonder what is happening behind the scene. What is going? Is Joey and others trying to distance themselves from Ming Sin? At least in front of me. I don’t know what happened, or what is happening. This is a drastic change.

I know that there is at least a person who complained about Ming Sin. I know that people in leadership positions are getting to know Ming Sin and how he does thing. All of us who serve with him or are affected by him through ministries and serving we are know his stuff.

So probably Joey and Jai are trying to distant themselves because it’s might be sinking. They want to secure themselves, their position, they don’t want to be pulled down so they want to project themselves by changing their views and what they say. I don’t know if it’s genuine but what they say is tilting more to  correct theology, theology that I find to be honest and real.

I have began to go to a few churches, an English church and a local Chinese church.

I still go to fellowship and turn up at Sunday school, am I am pretty vocal. With the new pastor coming into our small group, J and J have somewhat became a bit quiet. They are more quiet, controlled or may I say restrained. Whereas, I think I have turned to become more vocal which probably play to their game because JJ are probably at a phrase to prove to the new pastor that they are good.

I know Shirleen have talked to Lotte, J probably talked to HP and others. They do that, they would go and talk with a person one on one. They do that. I don’t do that. I see HP and Lotte changing.

I realized the HP group has decided to just care about themselves. I have explained to HP and Lotte and a few others how things are going wrong. They agree. But they have taken a stand to say nothing. I am particularly disappointed in HP because he wasn’t like this and even he changed. When Lotte was in England, we told care of him. We took him in. I watched movie with him. We chatted, we had good chat.

Lotte being a new believer and freshly baptised cannot detect the slight errors in Bible teaching.

That’s what they will prey on, new, unsure believers. And I can’t stop it.

As a pastor’s kid, even as an adult, I do get treated very differently. I think I am basically more friendly and more inviting than the average joe going to my church. And I probably try harder at making people feel welcomed but it has got to a point where I realize that I don’t really want to welcome people to my church. I am not proud of my church and at this point, this isn’t a church where I would want my friend or anybody to go to.

This church is just not working and it’s not just me who feel this way, many people feel the same way.

I also realize that most people don’t ask to much of themselves or the church. A lot of people are here looking for things, getting stuff and not contributing. It’s okay to be looking for God, meaning, etc at church, that’s what church is about but many people are actually quite selfish in their endeavours at church, to the point that church is being killed. Some people are looking for boyfriends, religious service, love, to be cared for etc, somewhat normal but when these things become the focus, the church is just not working then.

I was at the mall at Mongkok where some of us were performing Christmas Carol. It was a big deal even though we didn’t really draw a crowd. I was listening, supporting yet at the same time, I find it so meaningless and so phony in a sense. It looked good, they looked good, they sounded good and pretty but so what? I saw some of us sitting there, supporting, hanging out, great, but at the same time, there was a sadness. The wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, fathers and mothers and friends of performers were there taking pictures. We were quite proud of ourselves. We like being in the spotlight. A few of us weren’t really that happy. Our church’s best musical talents were there in their shining glory. But what are we really accomplishing. We have a broken church. Even if we would reach people at the mall, great, I don’t want them to come to my church. That’s, to me, is such a tragedy.

Here we are, in our glory, in all our prettiness, proudly being presented but we are broken inside. I just find it a bit meaningless. I am probably being a bit pathetic, but I am thinking how we are doing all these shiny stuff while we never cleaned up our church. It’s like a building with great decoration and exterior, looking very impressive on the outside but inside it is not renovated and a mess, unwelcoming of guess.

We put on a smile, a happy face but inside we are a mess. We are just holding it in.

During lunch I talked to our new pastor and past mentors about the problem we have at the fellowship. I was very frank, we were very frank with her. I probably said too much about resistant of fellowship, maybe I talked to much that would’ve changed her approach and confident to do good. I know Joey will be meeting with her later. I hope she wouldn’t change for the bad or be intimidated. I thought about Joey and Kath and the Bible study I led, I realized that they were quite intentionally. Joey waited until near the end to talk. I noticed that. The thing about Joey and Kath is that despite being at church for over a decade, their biblical knowledge is very shallow, they are not spiritual people, they assume many things based on their own knowledge and reasoning. Joey is smart with waiting for others to speak, waiting for my explanation, analyse them, reprocess them and then summerize them.

I think of Siu Wai as well and what they are doing. They are not innocent and they can’t be thinking in the right mind. I still don’t get how all these people could get into sinning. I think I am the most realistic person. I know what’s happening and I know what’s going to happen.

I just started reading “The Bully, The Bullied and the Bystander” by Barbara Coloroso and it’s about kids being bullied in school but some of the same concepts and theme can be applied to the church and actually explains quite well what has happened at church.

There is bullying at church. I am actually a victims and so are others. The bad deacons and the bad mentors are the bullies.

Church’s prospect is actually getting a bit grim. Some people are still kicking but it’s getting bad. We have a new pastor and she’s only been here a few months and people in our fellowship have already told her that they have considered leaving the fellowship.

I saw a couple who was in my group a few years back (before I went to Australia) going to another fellowship. That’s probably a smart move on their part, they couldn’t agree with things going on and the theology in our fellowship and only conflict would arise so they opted to go to another one. Before that, they had an excuse on why they stopped coming, their reason was that they had to take care of their ageing parents. Now I realize it was only a way for them to leave nicely.

And I found myself being impressed with my dad. He put up a really good fight.  It was and still is a horrible situation, and he stuck with it for almost 10 years and really did his best to try to change things around.

I am putting up a good fight too but I am realizing that it might not worth it. If the people there don’t want to change themselves, including the leadership, nothing can help them. Either the people have to voice out and tell the leadership to make real changes or the leadership themselves have to change, be obedient to God and follow God and lead.

But I don’t count on the leadership, meaning the deacon board. I can only see 3  of them who are legit Biblical leaders, who read the Bible, who understand the Bible and apply those principles in their lives. And they are not that strong, and in the minority. Also there is no head pastor. The acting head pastor is a flip flop who does whatever the most powerful party tell him to do. He’s not accountable to God, he’s accountable to his job. Pleasing the powerful players at church is more important than the truth to him. We have one more pastor who only been here a year until my father left, she’s on her second here and now we just had a new pastor who is just finding out how messed up we are.

I could see the change in her look already. She was mostly smile and excitement, now it is replaced with a face of cautiousness. She is playing smart so far. I wish her luck and I do like her. I think she is a good person but I am afraid she would become like our acting head pastor or the other one who has compromised a little with how she react to different people.

I think I am leaving. I have to leave. I already feel like I have wasted too much time already.